I just can’t wait to see my kids because I really miss them so much

I’ve been in ________ detention camp now since January of this year, I basically finished my sentence. After I finished my sentence I spent extra 3 months in jail and I was brought down here to _______ detention camp. It was really, really depressing when they brought me here. It was a very stressful situation for me. This country basically know that … the Home Office basically know that I’ve got children and they brought me here even after I finished my sentence in jail which was very difficult – it made me more depressed.

So the real truth really came up when the corona situation came around in the whole world. At that period the detention people wasn’t really … to be honest they didn’t really care about the corona situation with us – the detainees. There was no hand gel, or anything that would put us in a safe environment in the detention camp. So the only time they were getting this situation serious was when they were getting visited by the immigration – from the big bosses – they were coming down to _________. That was when they started acting like they were doing everything right.

It’s good they’re trying to contain the coronavirus. The wings are closed. But a lot of people are really, really stressed because they want to go to education, they want to go to the internet to speak to their family or immigration – they provide a social media where you can speak to your family. Now, a lot of wings don’t have time to do those things. Because of cross-contact. Now the people that can pick up the coronavirus is the officers, not the detainees – because they’re coming from outside. And the time they’re giving them to go to education or internet is limited. So there’s a lot of things – immigration are just doing that – when people are trying to speak to them – they just do whatever pleases them. They say they can’t do it because of coronavirus – it’s a joke – they didn’t give us no masks – and the officers are coming from outside with no protective gear. They did not give no detainees face mask to cover themselves when it was really, really serious. There was no hand gel, or nothing. So what if corona came in here? What would have they said? It’s not fair. And I heard a couple of officers that had the coronavirus as well and they came to work. There’s no protection – nothing. Until one of the bosses from immigration had to come for a visit. When you go to the healthcare at that time – when the coronavirus was happening, there was no sticker to say 2 metres gap – it was all dangerous. It’s not fair what immigration is doing.

Most of the officers, they’re really nice, but I’d say about 60% of the officers don’t really care about what we really needed.

I would say two things that really happened to me. We’ve got a mouse infestation in the cell – in the wing. We’ve got bed bugs in the cells – they didn’t really take that very seriously until now.

And recently I just changed my wing. I’ll tell you my story, what’s been going on since I’ve been in ____ wing.

There was a time in my cell … I was in my cell watching a TV programme and I heard a scratching noise in my box where I kept my food in. I saw this mouse – there was a mouse in my box and I saw that and I immediately went to report it to the officers. They took my food away. They said they were going to reimburse me with my food. So they kept me hungry for almost 3 weeks before they could even reimburse me with my new canteen that I had in my box. They left me hungry. I told them about it – they said they’d sort it out – they never did – after 3 weeks. The food I had in my box was almost 30-40 something pounds and they only refunded about £20. I asked the manager, ‘so, what you refunded is not enough to cover my whole costs of the food I had’, and that was how everything just went … they no more said anything about it. I just left the whole situation.

So a few days ago as well I was in my cell I was sleeping and I felt a mouse. I was sleeping and felt something scratching my face – it was a mouse. So that was around 4am in the morning, so, I quickly stood up, I saw the mouse jump up and run away. I washed my face very hard. I had to wash my mouth because I was worried that the mouse has weed all over my face. After I cleaned up my face I called the office, I rang the office that was doing the late shift in the morning, they came to my door and said, ‘okay, in the morning try and speak to the manager’. And when it was 8 O clock I phoned the staff and said I wanted to speak to the manager. But I felt really bad because I felt that the staff they didn’t really take my complaint very seriously. And I was really, really upset with it. So they kept me waiting until after 10 in the morning.

Then one of the managers came and I said this was the situation. The manager didn’t even ask me ‘okay, you know what, would you like to move to a different cell, you need a new towel, a new bed sheet’ or something like that – nothing – the first thing she said to me was – ah, she’s going to send me to healthcare psychology. Why would I want to see a psychologist?! Why would I want to see a psychologist?! She was supposed to be someone to care for the detainee, you know? Saying ‘you know what, you need a new towel, have a shower, we’ll make sure we find a new cell for you and if you want to move wing’. She never said anything like that. So basically she put me down for psychology.

When she spoke to me I didn’t say nothing, I was upset by the statement she said. And I went to the health care who said, you know what I need to see a doctor to check myself to make sure the mouse didn’t pee in my mouth or anything like that. Just to make sure I was okay. So, when I came back to my wing I was upset by the whole thing. None of the officers came to me or asked me anything.

When I came back to the wing I saw one of the immigration ladies. I told the lady everything that happened. At 1 O clock, they wanted me to clean. And I was really upset. I went upstairs to clean, but I felt sad because, I felt the staff only wanted their own job to be done. They didn’t really care about me. You understand what I’m saying? They wanted me to clean. I was already upstairs, I went upstairs already and it was clean. And they were screaming my name and I didn’t really answer.

What I’m trying to say is that, most of these officers, they only really, really care about themselves. Honestly. They don’t really care about what you’re about to tell them.

________ Centre is a very dirty wing. Dirty cells. The cells are very dirty. Most of the cells had bed bugs. The cells are cold as well. During the winter time the cells were really, really freezing. I told them about the temperature as well and they keep saying they’ll come and do it and they never did it. Even during the summer time when it was so hot as well. A lot of us don’t have fans in our cells. When it’s boiling hot – there was no breeze.

Sometimes even you want a shower – you have to shower with hot water – you can’t choose which water you want. When you go to the shower – you can’t even shower with cold water. It just comes out hot – automatically. And when you shower the hot water you’re sweating more – so what’s the point of showering?! It’s just completely hot – it’s humid. We don’t even have a fridge at least for our drinks – just for it to be cold. When you buy your drink your drink is hot. When the room is hot there’s not even a fan.

They don’t find solutions to see how they can help people here. So sometimes when you’re depressed and stressed, it’s very difficult for you to find someone you can talk to.

The only thing that really cares about me is the mental health. Which were really good to me. And the education section as well was really, really good for me. One of the teachers that has really helped me to really, really move forward in my life and try to help me with the pain, depression, stress, was one of the teachers in the art class. She’s a really, really fantastic teacher. She has helped me a lot … really, really helped me a lot. Her name is _____. She has really, really helped me a lot, she is fantastic in here.

I felt like most of the officers here do not really care about us at all. One of the things that really upset me so much was during the coronavirus. They didn’t really care about if, you know, if we’re going to be sick they’re even not providing no masks for us. For our face – nothing. They didn’t give us no mask at that period. Nothing like that, even no anti-bacteria for our hands – nothing. You know? I really, really felt bad. The only time they were really stepping up was because they were going to have a visit – that’s when they started doing things.

I’ve been here for 8 months now. It’s unfair. They know I’ve got children. They know that I’ve been to jail and I’ve done my time and it’s just not fair. You know, keeping me here for no reason. They’ve kept me here for so long. Making me more stressed.

I don’t think that it’s really that healthy for a lot of us here. There’s a lot of people as well that have really got problems. And when they really try to speak to the officers – they laugh. I see them. We see them a lot. It’s like they use situation that we have to mock us – they talk behind our back and we see that – they laugh. If they’re there to help, they don’t want to help.

It’s just a couple of the officers – that are really, really good. But I’ll guarantee you that when you need to do something for yourself to know that you’re going to take care of yourself – the most – they don’t really care. When you try to tell them to help you with something, they don’t really care. You really have to put in so much effort for them to listen to you. So basically, if you tell them that ‘ah you know what, I’m not going to bang up – I’m not going to go into the cell’ – that’s when they want to take things very, very seriously. During the lock hours time – around 9 O clock – if you tell them that you don’t want to get banged up, then a few of the managers come – that’s when they want to listen to you. So it’s a lot of stress in this situation.

I’ve got a friend who stays here as well. Every day he’s been crying. Every day he just doesn’t want to stay here any more. He needs a ticket to go back to his country but … we can all see that it’s so stressful. Nobody wants to help him. Nobody wants to listen to him. Yesterday he called me and said that he’s not even gonna ‘lock’ – he’s not gonna go into his cell for him to be locked up because nobody wants to listen to him. He’s been in the centre now since about a few months, about 2 months now. And he’s been crying that he needs his ticket to go back, but they keep laughing at him, it’s like they’re mocking him. They don’t want to speak to him to help him. And yesterday he called me to say that he’s not going to go to his cell for the officers to lock him. Really late at 9pm. So he has to wait for the managers to come before they will speak to him. I just feel like a lot of things need to change in this place.

Even the food we eat – the food we eat here is sometimes – the fish we’re given to eat is not even proper cooked. You understand? Sometimes the rice we’re given is not even proper cooked so basically sometimes I have to buy canteen to even eat. Like today, most of the time, even, everyday I don’t even really eat the food. The only time I eat is in the night time like 8 hours I’ve been locked up that’s the only time I feel like I want to eat – because I can’t even eat the food. My cell right now that I’m in right now is very cold. Today feels very cold. Yesterday was really hot and stuffy. They don’t really take nothing really serious at all.

The only officers that are really there for me are ____ and the person who really helped me as well is in art, because I’ve never done art before, but I’ve learnt so much. She’s always told me that ‘don’t let your situation always put you down’. But when you try to talk to other officers they never take you serious.

I’m really upset as well that even my canteen that – mouse went into that they reimbursed me with £20 – none of the officers that I told about my situation has come up to me and said ‘you know what, we’re gonna make sure that we’ll pay you back the remaining money for your canteen.’ They never paid me! They never paid me back my money. I wrote every list down of the £20. I just smoke tobacco, and tobacco here costs £15. So what other food was included in it? Nothing. So that tells you that these people don’t really care. They don’t really care. Even for me to get that £20 I have to always tell them every day about my canteen. They left me 3 weeks without my food. It’s unfair. It’s really unfair. It’s just ridiculous in here, I’m telling you.

Even at the end of the day, when we go for bail, they said you’re gonna leave at this time. Like now, I was supposed to go to _______. They were going to provide an address in _______. They promised me I was going to go to _______ for my address. My lawyer said to me. She’s a fantastic lass she’s so hard working – I appreciate that I’ve got her as my lawyer. She worked so hard for me to get my accommodation. They give me accommodation in ________. She said to me last week I was going to get released. So the probation was supposed to approve the address. Now they’re calling me – she called me and said to me that the probation couldn’t approve the address because someone else has moved there. So why would immigration give me an address in ______ and said I was going to go to and now it’s cancelled.

So now I have to wait again – til next week. Now they put me in a situation that – I don’t even know the place that I’ll be going. At least I was happy because my kids – my children are in ______. Now all my heart was – at least I’m going _______. So why would they change and say ‘you know what – you’re going to a different place.’ I believe they’re doing this purposely just to make you more depressed which is not really good – it’s not nice. They shouldn’t be doing things like this. If they’re going to do something they should keep their word. You understand what I’m trying to say to you?

It’s just a bit stressful being here but, you know what, you just have to be strong. Very stressful. 8 months. I did my sentence about 9 months and I ended up staying extra 3 months. It’s unfair. 2 days I was gonna go home and immigration came for me. And they kept me in detention in jail for extra 3 months and bring me down here again. So in total I’ve stayed here about 10 months. I served my prison sentence – for 9 months. I finished that and after I finished that, they gave me an extra 3 months …. 2 days before I was going home they came for me. I was gonna get released here. I was gonna go out. I’ve been here since January. So it’s just a bit stressful and depressing. It’s really bad. It’s a long time. It’s a long time.

Please if any way you lot can help us, they should try and make sure that this place is a clean place for people to live. It’s not clean. There’s a lot of mouse infestation – bed bugs. I don’t know if it’s bed bugs but I noticed some biting on my body. The cells are dirty. Completely dirty. It’s tough in here. It’s really, really difficult.

You know Ms _____ – she’s fantastic – she always calls me every single week. She doesn’t need to be doing that but she calls me every time – what’s going on – what I need. If other officers can do it for me – I have to call Ms. ____ because she’ll sort it out for me. Even I have my engagement officer – she doesn’t even pick up her phone. It’s like they don’t care. I really needed her so much, you know, to speak to her. My engagement officer – they don’t really care. The phone was ringing and she doesn’t …. I have to call Ms. ______ they’re the one who will sort it out. Immigration needs to change. Just a few people in different departments who really care about you. I’m so lucky to have Ms. ______. I’m telling you. She’s been one of the backbones for me. She’s made it possible for me – when I’m stressed and depressed and I ring her – you know – she speaks to me – she makes sure that it’s done. I’m so grateful for everything she has done. I’m telling you the truth.

I’ve been here a while and once I’m out I’m just going to thank god that I’m out. Need to get a rest and just relax. I just can’t wait to see my kids because I really miss them so much. It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve seen them. I just can’t wait to see my family. I miss my children. I can’t wait to go out and be happy and see my children.

I came to this country 15 years ago. I have 2 children here.

I came to this country 15 years ago. I have 2 children here. I had just been to visit my family in Brazil and on my way back I was detained in Pembroke for one week, and then moved here, to Yarl’s Wood.

In here you have to stay in one room. You can only go out to eat, which is twice a day. You can’t go out or speak on the phone properly as people are always listening. Plenty of the girls here do not speak to their family and cannot afford to buy food.

You can’t have family visit because for them to come here you have to make an appointment and for some this is very difficult. And there is no way for you to see your child.

Some girls are here for 2 years and don’t move. Only to eat. 4 girls here have mental conditions.

Please help these people.

It is horrible here.

Some don’t speak very good English. People search your bag when you arrive. You can bring only pants, no clothes here.

It is like a prison.

The food here is horrible. No dogs would eat it.

It’s very cold here.

There is one room for two girls. Plus, some girls have bad health. No one comes to help them as they can’t speak English.

Some girls don’t have money to eat, and they aren’t able to get in touch with family. Some girls here don’t know how to get a solicitor and don’t have money so can’t access help.

We are being controlled by officers for 24 hours. Controlled. Everything is controlled.

For someone like me that they cannot deport, why am I still here? Why do they play that game?

The reason I am here is because of a mistake in identity. And, well, the HO had me mistaken with someone else and the because of that I have been detained for 9 months. They tried to deport me once to Mauritius, because the document wasn’t right the airport wouldn’t put me on the plane. Then the Mauritian embassy said the HO cannot use that document any more because they don’t believe I am from there country. I am telling the HO for 1,5 years that my name is different, the reason why I haven’t said it before, unfortunately I went in prison, I do admit I made a mistake, I went on with the wrong crowd, when I realised things were not right, and tried to get out there were starting to threaten me, and threaten my partner. And my good friends, they were trying to find out where I live and make lots of threats. I got hit a couple of times, it was quite severe. In the end, I plead guilty. I kind of, I was the only one whose gone to prison. So then, because that, I couldn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t even defend myself. I became clinically depressed, my anorexia kicked in again and I was sectioned. All that pressure. And I was in the psychiatric ward, it became too much. But, so that is the reason why at the time , I told them, I always told them all the way, that I have never said that I am that Mauritian women. It has nothing to do with me, the document was found, but it doesn’t even have my picture. They couldn’t found out who I was , so they said I am that woman. I didn’t know what to do. To an extent I accept that responsibility, it became a nightmare, it is also partly my fault. If I had said it at the time, but then either I get hurt or people I love get hurt, I had to chose and I chose to protect people that I love. But now it created a lot of confusion and a lot of issues, but still I had , I

have a biological sister in Liberia, we were estranged for quite some time, more than 12 years we have got back together, my friend found here. We got back talking. When all of this happened she started helping me to get my documents together. I left Liberia at the age of 7, I was adopted by a British family. I don’t think I was legally adopted, I mean that was the 70s in Liberia, you could just take children, I was an orphan. My biological mum died, and I was left with no one. My sisters dad didn’t want to take me on. What I became after was not good, they were homophobic. They were diplomats so I moved around with them. I had 4 other siblings, all adopted from African backgrounds. I got a good education. That’s all I know about my biological side, and my sister doesn’t know much either. I was too young.

When my adopted family, when I was 16, we were posted to Morocco. I sent a letter to another female, how I felt and it was intercepted by one of the nannies and I got beaten. It was very regimental, very strict, we were home schooled. The beating were proper beatings, like awful punishment. I couldn’t move, it was a nightmare. So when I turned 18 a friend of mine from Sierra Leone to run away from them. We went to South Africa and he got me a job there. For a couple of years and then things started to be a bit better, I still had severe nightmares. But then he said they are getting closer and they will find me, and I was told that I belong to them, I was adopted and they give me anything, I am just an object.

It was an outrage, they said I was not a normality, I was defective, they said its not normal to like women, it doesn’t make sense. When he said they are getting closer, he said we better run away. Then we ran away to Kenya. They were British. We never saw the documents, where we used to go. But they never brought us to Britain, so that’s why I got to think why I was not legally adopted, because we never came here.

My friend said he knew someone who help people to cross over, so this is what we have done. I was working, in a call centre and stuff like that. I had to give some money to my friend who was helping me, to pay the agent. It took a couple of years to cross and come over here. And in between I was abused by that agent and it got on me really bad. I just tried to pretend it didn’t happen and brush it off. So when I get ill, it gets really to me. I just get on with things and then throughout the years I got a really anxious person, that is connected to the food disorder, I get really anxious and cant eat and get really depressed and its that sort of cycle that I cant break. I never got any help for what I went through. All the nightmares I get, they get worse when I am unwell. I can deal with things.

I came over here we landed in Dover, we drove. Through France. The agent gave me to someone else and was like, and there was another female. We had to go with that guy. I don’t want to mention his name, because I think he still lives in White City, and I don’t want to get in trouble. He took us to his place and I got a so called job, a topless bar in Soho . Thats pretty much my life, I was abused many times, we had part of it, there was nowhere to go, we were new in the country. So we where there for some time, we made a couple of friends, one friend she helped us to get away from it.

We were new in the country, so we had nowhere to go. My friend never said I should claim asylum, but that is what I should have done at the time, but we were never guided, we were underground and we had to be careful. You found a job and you worked cash in hand, someone says you are a hard worker and that’s how I lived for 20 years. I worked at a florist shop, I was in shared accommodation, it went on like that. I worked for a Launderette some time. It was different back then. I met some nice people that I am still friends with today.

Then only this one group. In the beginning he was kind of okay, only until a couple of years later. Over here I had a couple of female partners, before I got with this guy. I went out with A for a couple of years, we lived together. I had unresolved issues of the past and I found it difficult to speak to her about it and it was still hurting me. So, I had couple of female partners. It wasn’t until a few years later, we were going out and you know, for 2,5 years. I met D in 2001, a few months later we had a sling. When I left S, then I was with him. I was in a good place, he liked me. I got a job, he helped me. I felt lucky, he didn’t ask me for any document, I never thought anything was wrong. So it kind of, you know. So many things happened in my life.

I found it quite difficult, when I realised things were not right with this lot, he knew a lot of people, he had people in the police, I had no way, even if I wanted to go to the authorities. I didn’t know what to do, I wanted to protect him. He didn’t know something was wrong, and I distanced myself from other friends, because I didn’t want them to get into trouble. It became an absolute nightmare and no where I am today. I got arrested, I became ill, I got a hefty sentence. There was a lack of defence, I wasn’t well. The anxiety was at a a high level, I was at a very dark place. I didn’t know what to do. He had contacts with the police force, so then I thought where do I go? I couldn’t even go to the authorities. Where I was at I was vulnerable, and I didn’t know what to do. And then it all happened, once I got to the half of my sentence I got moved to Yarl’s Wood and they tried to deport me. All the solicitors , all the accountants everyone got away, it was all on my shoulders. His contacts are helping it, it was all put on my shoulders. If things get resolved, everyone reading the story, they will think its not possible for all this lot to get away. But I plead guilty, so there was no way out, I had no choice. Even the solicitors after, they said they cannot believe I pleaded guilty that this was the possibility, and yet it happened. It was too late and my credibility was gone and they would all hide behind my guilty plead. You could see that I couldn’t have done that alone, but unfortunately it happened the way it happened.

People need to know about detention, I think no one should be in detention. This is not a nice place, people are treated like numbers, the healthcare is crap, this is like a prison. Its really crap. You haven’t got any, you know, people are tricked. They try to trick people to do things they don’t want to do. A lot of the women here don’t understand what the officers are saying, many here don’t speak English well, so they use that against them. They scare them, and say that not right your case, they trick them to get sectioned. They do dirty tricks. They are just moppets of the home office, that is what goes on. My personal experience, you have no access to social media, we don’t have access to sites like yours, things that could help detainees, that is limited. I cant access it. We don’t have access to Free Movement, so many pages, we cant see the case law, cases to do with detention or immigration , we cant use face book, it makes it more difficult to communicate with people on the outside. It is an absolute disaster, the food is bad I am not catered for, it is all stodgy.

There is no care here, it is run by G4S and they are run by the HO. They don’t think about peoples health, I filed numerous complaints. My own solicitors, they had a look at all my medical records and said this is an outrage . I am not being treated that what I have been diagnosed with in the past, only for a few weeks I have been treated for illness in my stomach. I cannot eat at all, food repulses me, they give me a cocktail of medication, all in all 600 calories. I feel weak, I still drink, years when I was sectioned, I couldn’t drink then. Now I can drink, I am still down and its not easy. Its a big effort. My foot is swollen, I have pins and needles. Now they are telling me I have to wait for 4 days to see a doctor. I cant walk, I don’t know what they are waiting for.

There is no duty of care in the detention system, really really not good. For someone like me that they cannot deport, why am I still here? Why do they play that game that they give me a monthly report, its some kind of game, I don’t know. Absolutely out of order. If you got a bail hearing coming up, even if they know they cant put you on a plane, they give you tickets.

No one is listening to you, nobody. I am sick with this system here.

I’m here since 24th May 2003, since that time I am here. And when I come first time this country I apply for asylum, and they always reject my case. Three time they asked me, they sent me a letter, the Home Office, they put me on a hold for a decision, 2008, 2010, 2011. All the time, they put me on hold and I wait I wait I wait, and I wait till 2016, 2016, 29th of February, that was my last refusal. They reject my case they say you have no basis in this country, you have to leave this country as soon as possible.

So 2016, I had enough, I never trust myself, because I was signing with the HO every single months. On the paper I was signing I was taking it to the immigration, It was saying you have no right to work, you have no right to take benefits and no right to get married in this country. And then I never trust myself, I had a girlfriend I was very happy for 4 years, but I couldn’t get married with her. She wanted to build a relationship , she wanted to have a baby but I was scared because the Home Office could come any time and take me. We finished in 2013, we finished. She was from Poland. Because there is many reasons, I have no paper. She keep ask me to go to somewhere to holiday, I couldn’t have a chance. It was like a prison, always for me. Even when I was outside. I felt I was not a human being like everyone. I see all people around me my friends, my cousin, their lives changed in many things, married, car, they go to holiday. But me, in the last 14 years nothing changed in my life, nothing.

So I make a big mistake first time by coming to this country. I saw on the media on the TV they talk about the human rights, all the decisions , they are not true. I came to that point to think that there is no human rights in this country, and they left me on the street and then I found myself in a prison. I tell you why I got to prison. In 2016 I found myself in prison, I don’t know why this, when I had my last rejection , that was my last rejection, till now they reject my case 8 or 9 times, I made a fresh claim 3 times to Liverpool. And I was suffering since 2009 from heart condition I can prove it I have all my paperwork with me.

In April 2016 I decide to leave this country. I take someone else’s passport , that was a British passport. I decide to go to Canada. I went to Gatwick, I buy a ticket to Canada. I went to Gatwick to apply for asylum in Canada, in Gatwick the security topped me and said that picture doesn’t look like you. They called the immigration, when they came they take me to police station. They take me there, they take my fingerprints, before that I say, I know that is my last thing, I say I don’t want to say anything, he says this is not me. when they do my fingerprints my name come on. The police man he was so happy, after 4 hours he says you have the right to have a solicitor. If you would have seen his smile, he was very happy, because I think he get a bonus , because he caught me. But they don’t know how I survived for 14 years outside, they don’t care about you. After that they say you have the right to a solicitor, she tell me plead guilty, plead guilty, that would be better for you. It will only be 12 months. Then I decide to plead guilty.

I go to court in Brighton. My barrister stand up, I have many cases like that but this story is different. He explain everything to the judge, the last 14 years he has been here, he has never been in trouble, what he did now he is desperate. He is looking for a better life, I was happy because I the immigration never gave me a chance. I want to work, I want to get married, but I lost many things in my life in England. The judge was never listening to my barrister, no way. He say I know, I know. But if I don’t give him 12 months, they will trouble him. Nearly nearly he put me on the terrorist list. That is the human right really? When he decides he needs to close his eyes, but in England they look at your colour, at your face. In 4 days I will be locked up for one year. Because I was suffering, I have never been in prison, I have never seen anything like that.

They sent me a letter , a deportation order. Same story, over again. Then I decide to at least go out from this prison, because I have a heart condition. Until now I wish for my death, but I don’t do anything stupid because of my family. I don’t trust myself any more, in that life, nothing change in my life. I signed the deportation order in July. The Islamic state went to my city and they killed 450 people there. When I signed the deportation order, because already they give me automatically. They promise me to send me back within 3 weeks time. The immigration person, she said in 3 weeks time we send you back to Iraq. My sentence was one year, so I was inside 6 months. In that 6 months, if you sign the order, we take of 3 months , so you get early release, you go back to your country. I was desperate. I was really desperate. I couldn’t take this prison, 22 hours locked up, 1 hour in the morning and 1 hours during lunchtime at that’s it, until the next morning. That’s why I decide straight away, I just want to asked the immigration one thing, if I go back to Iraq, if I go to Iraq, I have been to court 6 times. Why nobody asked me why I am leaving this country? Why nobody asked me why I am leaving? They have no answer for that. They say its a different thing, you need to make a claim.

Whatever you say, the judge is not listening. I see in the court, they make a drama. 3 of them in the court is immigration, I tried everything, everything. And then they promise me in 3 weeks time, they send me back to Iraq. That was last year in July, 2016. After that they said to me, after 5 or 6 weeks, if you want go back you need to bring your ID, your document from Iraq. I did bring all my documents from Iraq. They play another game with me, after that they say we have to take you to the embassy for an interview and remember, this is all till now. And how long is it going take, I am just waiting. After that they take you to the embassy to find out whether you are from Iraq. So you make me sign the deportation order so I cant go out? But you said 3 weeks, then its been already 3 months. In October in ran out, still I am in here for another 6 months.

What I did, when I see they play game with me. I keep going to court with the video link, I would have a surety, the probation they kept my address, till now I went 6 time with video link to be released, the judge doesn’t release me. I ask him, when will you release me. He said this is immigration. This is it now, I had enough, I have enough of their game. My surety came down from Birmingham twice to London, even when they reject my case, they never said to him, sorry. In December 2016 the immigration, they know it, I am going to court, the following week. They call me, still you want go back to Iraq or not. But now I don’t want. You never booked me a ticket. Because I don’t see any reason, July to December is 5 months, you never did anything for me. Now I want go out from here myself. But immigration, they play another game with me.

So in January 2017, I went to video link again for a bail hearing. And then I go there, my surety there, everything there, my barrister there, my barrister stand up and was saying if you go back to Iraq, what happen to you in Kirkut. The judge right away shout at the barrister, and ask why are we here. We don’t talk about his asylum case here. I feel they don’t give a fuck, the judge doesn’t care what happens to me when I go back. The judge says sit down we are here for bail, we don’t care. And then, I was not surprised. They reject my case, they reject my bail again. The judge asked why don’t you send him back, the immigration says he signed something in December no to go back. But I say how many months I am waiting, 5 months, they promised me in 3 weeks time to send me back. Even the judge says the process takes a long time. I say excuse me , from July to December, I see no forward for my case so that’s why I decide not to go back. In March 2017 they take me to the Iraqi embassy for the interview. When they take me there, they give me one way travel document. Valid for 2 months.

So in the beginning of May this is my last day, so then I have to fly , otherwise its going be expired. So in the beginning of April I went to bail again. I say, I am here for my ticket. Where is my ticket? The immigration say the remove is set up for the middle of May, which means by then my travel document will have expired nearly 6 days. I asked the judge, can you ask the immigration to explain that for me, is this a joke? I have to fly in the beginning. He said to me early remove set up in the middle of May, I say I don´t understand, the judge say go back to your wing, the staff will explain you. What are you talking about, you racist, you don’t understand. No, the staff only give me food, they lock my door and open my door. But she was not listening, when I was saying she is racist, they turn off my speaker and I am finished. Now I am suffering from heart condition and depression, if I don’t take the medicine , I cant sleep. And in the beginning of may, in 22 days, my travel document will expire, and I cant take that game any more. I am not waiting for another travel document. I don’t know how long its going on take. What then? Is this the end of the world? If I am looking for better life, this is the British law which is on the media? Many time, I say to the judge I have a heart condition, no one is listening to you, nobody. I am sick with this system here.

They are detaining people for as long as they want, which is totally illegal and disproportionate

I am a victim of torture and the Home Office says a victim of torture should never be detained, if it confirmed by the medical practitioner in detention. I am a level 3 indicator rest, which makes me too vulnerable to be in detention. And right now, I have a case pending, and I am preparing for my bail at the moment. And I hope it will be a positive outcome as soon as possible. I think the Home Office is really not following their policy at all, in the sense that they are going to make up a policy and they are not following it. Which is affecting a lot of people in detention centre, vulnerable people in detention. They are detaining people for as long as they want, which is totally illegal and disproportionate.

Now my case is on judicial review in the high court for unlawful detention, they already filed the judicial review. Because I have been detained for more than 6 months and I am waiting for the positive outcome. I am suing the home office. Yet they are not releasing me. So I recently arranged to see doctor here in the centre. And I explained to him about my mental state, my mental heath. And I explained everything to him, low mood, agitation, loss of weight, lack of concentration and so on. He told me that he is going to forward the message to the HO, so they can review my case, that was last Thursday, 3 days ago. He told me he will forward the message, because I am totally unfit for detention .

Even people, some of my friends, they got a report from the doctor in December and they got release. I don’t what criteria they use to release people under rule 35. Some friends got released under that rule , but I didn’t, so don’t know. Some of them did commit a crime, they were on temporary admission and they didn’t comply. But for me I never committed any crime in the UK and I complied when I got temporary admission before I got detained. I was on temporary admission before I was in detention, I reported regularly in lunar house every two weeks. I was always complying with that. But now I have been in detention for more than 6 months, and I am a vulnerable who can be harmed through detention. The horrible part of it is when I call the Home Office, and ask for my caseworker they say I don’t have a caseworker. So anyone can open my file and write something about me. I called a couple of time, to ask for my caseworker. I have been seeing different people, the next month I see another case worker.

The system is just totally shit man. My case is better than other peoples who committed crimes and didn’t comply to the temporary admission conditions and then they are just in detention for 2 or 3 months. I have two cases pending and it is going take a lot of time, no one knows how long its going to take. So I think they should release me while I am waiting. Everyone needs their liberty.

They are using us to work for £1

They are using us to work for £1. Most of them here they are coming from prison because they are working illegally. So now the immigration removal prisons are using us to do the laundry, to cook, to wash. The working conditions are really bad. In the kitchen we cook the food, washing the plates for £1 per hour. Too many girls don’t want to do it but we have no choice. Its threatening behaviour. Here when you are not working, when you are not doing nothing its bad if you go to court. You can’t get your bail because your report is not good. So most of the women here they don’t want to do that but that’s the choices they have. Because they are coming from prison from working illegally. So when you go to court you have to show your report. And if you aren’t working you don’t get a good report. They want you to show you are a good character. They are threatened.
This beg bugs business is really important. They need to close down Yarl’s Wood. Some of the women here have HIV and the bug are sucking the blood. So we are stress. Very stressed. Cos we don’t know if the bed bugs are carrying the disease or not. People are frightened.

I served a sentence in prison.

I served a sentence in prison. While I was in prison social services gets involved with my children. And my husband went to prison as well. The family court ruled that when I’m released I should resume the care of my children. But immigration brought me to Yarl’s Wood instead. My deportation is not immanent because I have a judicial review that will take 8 months. I would be on licence anyway so my detention is not really necessary. I don’t see why they don’t release us while we are waiting for our case. I’m here 3 months already. It’s like I’m serving another sentence. And my children are serving another sentence with me because my detention really affects them. They say every child matters and all that and they are not living up to it. They say in the policy that its all about the child’s interest but it doesn’t matter when it comes down to my detention. I don’t know what’s happening I’m just frustrated. I met someone who’s been here for 18 months and it’s really unnecessary. It’s a problem. I’ve done the time, I’ve paid my debts to society and now it’s time to be with my family. It’s like a punishment all over again. My children suffer because of my permanent detention. Everyone should have a chance to move on.