I’m still here detained and my children are out there – everyday – everyday – asking me: “Mum, when are you coming back – Mum, when are you coming back?” – I have no answer for them because I personally don’t even know when I am going back to join my children.
Everyone, everyday is crying. My health is deteriorated because I am always in constant panic – what’s going to happen? Are they going to separate me from my children? Are they going to give me a forceful divorce from my husband? All this I keep wondering – it’s actually affecting my mental health right now as I speak to you. There many other nationals here in the detention centre suffering from one type of illness or another. It’s not fair at all.
The funniest thing – I’ve been having palpitations – kind of like heart attacks since I’ve been here. Nightmares … panic all the time. Each time you approach the health care they just tell you paracetamol – they give you paracetamol and tell you: “oh there’s nothing wrong with you”.
Meanwhile deep inside you know what is killing you. You know what is hurting you. But each time you approach them: “Go and take paracetamol” – and that is it. So it really is very appalling here. A lot of people, it’s been effecting them one way or another.
Some ladies even coming in here with pregnancy. One lost her pregnancy some time ago. So, I don’t really understand what this detention centre is all about. I’ll give you example: one of my room mates came here with a spouse visa and her husband is British Citizen. She’s married to him, but for some reason they say they don’t believe that they are husband and wife. So I don’t know how you want to prove yourself that you are husband and wife.
The United Kingdom is supposed to be a home where you run for safety. But I don’t know … it doesn’t seem to be like that. Because, to see how we are going through in this very centre you would be wondering: Is this in the United Kingdom at all?
I see a very heartbroken place to be honest. I am not happy with anything that is happening here. I’m not happy with the way I’m being separated from my children, my husband, friends … I’m not really happy because it doesn’t tell good of this country.
I have gone through hell here to be honest. Sometimes I wonder if I’m in the right place. Like I said, it’s a country where people bring their self for safety – we believed this was a humanitarian country. But I don’t know how this treatment here in Yarl’s Wood – I don’t know what to believe any more.
Christmas is approaching. We believe that Christmas is meant to be a time of family being together. But now we are all far away from our family. This is not good at all.
There’s been some protest this afternoon. We’ve been shouting today – my voice is tired! There are people who [believe] it shouldn’t be this way [who] have actually come and protest on our behalf. For us, all we want is to get this place shut down. Because it’s not really portraying what it says it is. So many times you put in an application, or provide this or provide that – and they still come back with no answer. So what is the use of this place? What is the use of this place? I thought it’s meant to help out.
So really, the manner in which the whole thing is being conducted is very, very, very, very wrong. We are all human, irrespective. My family are really … my children are really confused. I remember the last phone call before they announced that I wasn’t going on that flight, I called my kids and told them: “This is what is happening now – if I don’t call you any more … I’ll try and call you when I get to the other end – but this is what is happening”. And my children were asking me: “Why mummy?”. I said: “I don’t know why – I can’t answer why – I can’t answer – I can’t answer – if I can answer the ‘why’, maybe I wouldn’t be talking to you now in this moment”. I have asked the ‘why’ myself – I can’t answer them. So, I don’t know.
My youngest daughter was all in tears – she couldn’t talk. So you see, this is not only done to individuals but also to the children and whoever is close to you. For me I just feel like it’s tearing families apart. If you take me away from here, that means you’re telling me to go and re-marry or you’re telling my husband to remarry. When we’re far apart – the kids – what happens to them? Still, I can’t understand the whole meaning of that.
We’ve been on hunger strike for some days now. Because of the charter flight as well as not being happy being in here. So it’s not only the charter flight. When you come in here you find out everybody is miserable. Almost every time you find people in tears, you know? What sort of life is that? You don’t even know what’s going to happen the next moment. It’s a very horrible situation to be honest.
Honestly, this detention centre, I don’t know what it was built for but, to be honest, in my own understanding, it’s not really doing anything good to anybody but destroying people and destroying families. They’re breaking families and inflicting pain. We’re all human irrespective – whatever the situation – we are all human being.
This place needs to be shut down – truly. This place needs to be shut down! It’s not serving any purpose for anyone. The Home Office might say it’s serving them a good purpose, but it’s not true – not true. They’re only wounding people.
You need to see how much money people are spending for lawyers, continuously … if you spend that type of money for a lawyer but you get a final result that might be just okay. But if you spend all that money and then at the end of the day you’re still taken away! What must you do? Just making other people rich? Making other people just to have pain?
I have two beautiful daughters. They need my presence around them; to help them become a proper citizen, not for them to just come out in whatever way – no – I need to build them as a mother to give them proper motherly attention and build them to become a proper citizen. Not just to become anybody just for the sake of being human – NO.
They’re taking me away from them – what will happen? These are girls, you know? Before you know it, tomorrow, they’re pregnant, or something will happen. And then that is the end of their work – their career. But if there is a mother beside them to show them and speak to them … “You get pregnant alright but not now” … help them, there are many ways you can help to bring them up. If you take me away from them that’s giving them freedom to do anything that is not right. That’s not good. We end up breeding wrong children in the society.
Sometimes I just sleep and I just wake up like as if I’m having some nightmare all because of thinking about my children my husband. Each time I speak to them – when I call them to say goodnight, I have to say goodnight with tears in my eyes. That’s not life. That’s not life at all.