For someone like me that they cannot deport, why am I still here? Why do they play that game?

The reason I am here is because of a mistake in identity. And, well, the HO had me mistaken with someone else and the because of that I have been detained for 9 months. They tried to deport me once to Mauritius, because the document wasn’t right the airport wouldn’t put me on the plane. Then the Mauritian embassy said the HO cannot use that document any more because they don’t believe I am from there country. I am telling the HO for 1,5 years that my name is different, the reason why I haven’t said it before, unfortunately I went in prison, I do admit I made a mistake, I went on with the wrong crowd, when I realised things were not right, and tried to get out there were starting to threaten me, and threaten my partner. And my good friends, they were trying to find out where I live and make lots of threats. I got hit a couple of times, it was quite severe. In the end, I plead guilty. I kind of, I was the only one whose gone to prison. So then, because that, I couldn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t even defend myself. I became clinically depressed, my anorexia kicked in again and I was sectioned. All that pressure. And I was in the psychiatric ward, it became too much. But, so that is the reason why at the time , I told them, I always told them all the way, that I have never said that I am that Mauritian women. It has nothing to do with me, the document was found, but it doesn’t even have my picture. They couldn’t found out who I was , so they said I am that woman. I didn’t know what to do. To an extent I accept that responsibility, it became a nightmare, it is also partly my fault. If I had said it at the time, but then either I get hurt or people I love get hurt, I had to chose and I chose to protect people that I love. But now it created a lot of confusion and a lot of issues, but still I had , I

have a biological sister in Liberia, we were estranged for quite some time, more than 12 years we have got back together, my friend found here. We got back talking. When all of this happened she started helping me to get my documents together. I left Liberia at the age of 7, I was adopted by a British family. I don’t think I was legally adopted, I mean that was the 70s in Liberia, you could just take children, I was an orphan. My biological mum died, and I was left with no one. My sisters dad didn’t want to take me on. What I became after was not good, they were homophobic. They were diplomats so I moved around with them. I had 4 other siblings, all adopted from African backgrounds. I got a good education. That’s all I know about my biological side, and my sister doesn’t know much either. I was too young.

When my adopted family, when I was 16, we were posted to Morocco. I sent a letter to another female, how I felt and it was intercepted by one of the nannies and I got beaten. It was very regimental, very strict, we were home schooled. The beating were proper beatings, like awful punishment. I couldn’t move, it was a nightmare. So when I turned 18 a friend of mine from Sierra Leone to run away from them. We went to South Africa and he got me a job there. For a couple of years and then things started to be a bit better, I still had severe nightmares. But then he said they are getting closer and they will find me, and I was told that I belong to them, I was adopted and they give me anything, I am just an object.

It was an outrage, they said I was not a normality, I was defective, they said its not normal to like women, it doesn’t make sense. When he said they are getting closer, he said we better run away. Then we ran away to Kenya. They were British. We never saw the documents, where we used to go. But they never brought us to Britain, so that’s why I got to think why I was not legally adopted, because we never came here.

My friend said he knew someone who help people to cross over, so this is what we have done. I was working, in a call centre and stuff like that. I had to give some money to my friend who was helping me, to pay the agent. It took a couple of years to cross and come over here. And in between I was abused by that agent and it got on me really bad. I just tried to pretend it didn’t happen and brush it off. So when I get ill, it gets really to me. I just get on with things and then throughout the years I got a really anxious person, that is connected to the food disorder, I get really anxious and cant eat and get really depressed and its that sort of cycle that I cant break. I never got any help for what I went through. All the nightmares I get, they get worse when I am unwell. I can deal with things.

I came over here we landed in Dover, we drove. Through France. The agent gave me to someone else and was like, and there was another female. We had to go with that guy. I don’t want to mention his name, because I think he still lives in White City, and I don’t want to get in trouble. He took us to his place and I got a so called job, a topless bar in Soho . Thats pretty much my life, I was abused many times, we had part of it, there was nowhere to go, we were new in the country. So we where there for some time, we made a couple of friends, one friend she helped us to get away from it.

We were new in the country, so we had nowhere to go. My friend never said I should claim asylum, but that is what I should have done at the time, but we were never guided, we were underground and we had to be careful. You found a job and you worked cash in hand, someone says you are a hard worker and that’s how I lived for 20 years. I worked at a florist shop, I was in shared accommodation, it went on like that. I worked for a Launderette some time. It was different back then. I met some nice people that I am still friends with today.

Then only this one group. In the beginning he was kind of okay, only until a couple of years later. Over here I had a couple of female partners, before I got with this guy. I went out with A for a couple of years, we lived together. I had unresolved issues of the past and I found it difficult to speak to her about it and it was still hurting me. So, I had couple of female partners. It wasn’t until a few years later, we were going out and you know, for 2,5 years. I met D in 2001, a few months later we had a sling. When I left S, then I was with him. I was in a good place, he liked me. I got a job, he helped me. I felt lucky, he didn’t ask me for any document, I never thought anything was wrong. So it kind of, you know. So many things happened in my life.

I found it quite difficult, when I realised things were not right with this lot, he knew a lot of people, he had people in the police, I had no way, even if I wanted to go to the authorities. I didn’t know what to do, I wanted to protect him. He didn’t know something was wrong, and I distanced myself from other friends, because I didn’t want them to get into trouble. It became an absolute nightmare and no where I am today. I got arrested, I became ill, I got a hefty sentence. There was a lack of defence, I wasn’t well. The anxiety was at a a high level, I was at a very dark place. I didn’t know what to do. He had contacts with the police force, so then I thought where do I go? I couldn’t even go to the authorities. Where I was at I was vulnerable, and I didn’t know what to do. And then it all happened, once I got to the half of my sentence I got moved to Yarl’s Wood and they tried to deport me. All the solicitors , all the accountants everyone got away, it was all on my shoulders. His contacts are helping it, it was all put on my shoulders. If things get resolved, everyone reading the story, they will think its not possible for all this lot to get away. But I plead guilty, so there was no way out, I had no choice. Even the solicitors after, they said they cannot believe I pleaded guilty that this was the possibility, and yet it happened. It was too late and my credibility was gone and they would all hide behind my guilty plead. You could see that I couldn’t have done that alone, but unfortunately it happened the way it happened.

People need to know about detention, I think no one should be in detention. This is not a nice place, people are treated like numbers, the healthcare is crap, this is like a prison. Its really crap. You haven’t got any, you know, people are tricked. They try to trick people to do things they don’t want to do. A lot of the women here don’t understand what the officers are saying, many here don’t speak English well, so they use that against them. They scare them, and say that not right your case, they trick them to get sectioned. They do dirty tricks. They are just moppets of the home office, that is what goes on. My personal experience, you have no access to social media, we don’t have access to sites like yours, things that could help detainees, that is limited. I cant access it. We don’t have access to Free Movement, so many pages, we cant see the case law, cases to do with detention or immigration , we cant use face book, it makes it more difficult to communicate with people on the outside. It is an absolute disaster, the food is bad I am not catered for, it is all stodgy.

There is no care here, it is run by G4S and they are run by the HO. They don’t think about peoples health, I filed numerous complaints. My own solicitors, they had a look at all my medical records and said this is an outrage . I am not being treated that what I have been diagnosed with in the past, only for a few weeks I have been treated for illness in my stomach. I cannot eat at all, food repulses me, they give me a cocktail of medication, all in all 600 calories. I feel weak, I still drink, years when I was sectioned, I couldn’t drink then. Now I can drink, I am still down and its not easy. Its a big effort. My foot is swollen, I have pins and needles. Now they are telling me I have to wait for 4 days to see a doctor. I cant walk, I don’t know what they are waiting for.

There is no duty of care in the detention system, really really not good. For someone like me that they cannot deport, why am I still here? Why do they play that game that they give me a monthly report, its some kind of game, I don’t know. Absolutely out of order. If you got a bail hearing coming up, even if they know they cant put you on a plane, they give you tickets.

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No one is listening to you, nobody. I am sick with this system here.

I’m here since 24th May 2003, since that time I am here. And when I come first time this country I apply for asylum, and they always reject my case. Three time they asked me, they sent me a letter, the Home Office, they put me on a hold for a decision, 2008, 2010, 2011. All the time, they put me on hold and I wait I wait I wait, and I wait till 2016, 2016, 29th of February, that was my last refusal. They reject my case they say you have no basis in this country, you have to leave this country as soon as possible.

So 2016, I had enough, I never trust myself, because I was signing with the HO every single months. On the paper I was signing I was taking it to the immigration, It was saying you have no right to work, you have no right to take benefits and no right to get married in this country. And then I never trust myself, I had a girlfriend I was very happy for 4 years, but I couldn’t get married with her. She wanted to build a relationship , she wanted to have a baby but I was scared because the Home Office could come any time and take me. We finished in 2013, we finished. She was from Poland. Because there is many reasons, I have no paper. She keep ask me to go to somewhere to holiday, I couldn’t have a chance. It was like a prison, always for me. Even when I was outside. I felt I was not a human being like everyone. I see all people around me my friends, my cousin, their lives changed in many things, married, car, they go to holiday. But me, in the last 14 years nothing changed in my life, nothing.

So I make a big mistake first time by coming to this country. I saw on the media on the TV they talk about the human rights, all the decisions , they are not true. I came to that point to think that there is no human rights in this country, and they left me on the street and then I found myself in a prison. I tell you why I got to prison. In 2016 I found myself in prison, I don’t know why this, when I had my last rejection , that was my last rejection, till now they reject my case 8 or 9 times, I made a fresh claim 3 times to Liverpool. And I was suffering since 2009 from heart condition I can prove it I have all my paperwork with me.

In April 2016 I decide to leave this country. I take someone else’s passport , that was a British passport. I decide to go to Canada. I went to Gatwick, I buy a ticket to Canada. I went to Gatwick to apply for asylum in Canada, in Gatwick the security topped me and said that picture doesn’t look like you. They called the immigration, when they came they take me to police station. They take me there, they take my fingerprints, before that I say, I know that is my last thing, I say I don’t want to say anything, he says this is not me. when they do my fingerprints my name come on. The police man he was so happy, after 4 hours he says you have the right to have a solicitor. If you would have seen his smile, he was very happy, because I think he get a bonus , because he caught me. But they don’t know how I survived for 14 years outside, they don’t care about you. After that they say you have the right to a solicitor, she tell me plead guilty, plead guilty, that would be better for you. It will only be 12 months. Then I decide to plead guilty.

I go to court in Brighton. My barrister stand up, I have many cases like that but this story is different. He explain everything to the judge, the last 14 years he has been here, he has never been in trouble, what he did now he is desperate. He is looking for a better life, I was happy because I the immigration never gave me a chance. I want to work, I want to get married, but I lost many things in my life in England. The judge was never listening to my barrister, no way. He say I know, I know. But if I don’t give him 12 months, they will trouble him. Nearly nearly he put me on the terrorist list. That is the human right really? When he decides he needs to close his eyes, but in England they look at your colour, at your face. In 4 days I will be locked up for one year. Because I was suffering, I have never been in prison, I have never seen anything like that.

They sent me a letter , a deportation order. Same story, over again. Then I decide to at least go out from this prison, because I have a heart condition. Until now I wish for my death, but I don’t do anything stupid because of my family. I don’t trust myself any more, in that life, nothing change in my life. I signed the deportation order in July. The Islamic state went to my city and they killed 450 people there. When I signed the deportation order, because already they give me automatically. They promise me to send me back within 3 weeks time. The immigration person, she said in 3 weeks time we send you back to Iraq. My sentence was one year, so I was inside 6 months. In that 6 months, if you sign the order, we take of 3 months , so you get early release, you go back to your country. I was desperate. I was really desperate. I couldn’t take this prison, 22 hours locked up, 1 hour in the morning and 1 hours during lunchtime at that’s it, until the next morning. That’s why I decide straight away, I just want to asked the immigration one thing, if I go back to Iraq, if I go to Iraq, I have been to court 6 times. Why nobody asked me why I am leaving this country? Why nobody asked me why I am leaving? They have no answer for that. They say its a different thing, you need to make a claim.

Whatever you say, the judge is not listening. I see in the court, they make a drama. 3 of them in the court is immigration, I tried everything, everything. And then they promise me in 3 weeks time, they send me back to Iraq. That was last year in July, 2016. After that they said to me, after 5 or 6 weeks, if you want go back you need to bring your ID, your document from Iraq. I did bring all my documents from Iraq. They play another game with me, after that they say we have to take you to the embassy for an interview and remember, this is all till now. And how long is it going take, I am just waiting. After that they take you to the embassy to find out whether you are from Iraq. So you make me sign the deportation order so I cant go out? But you said 3 weeks, then its been already 3 months. In October in ran out, still I am in here for another 6 months.

What I did, when I see they play game with me. I keep going to court with the video link, I would have a surety, the probation they kept my address, till now I went 6 time with video link to be released, the judge doesn’t release me. I ask him, when will you release me. He said this is immigration. This is it now, I had enough, I have enough of their game. My surety came down from Birmingham twice to London, even when they reject my case, they never said to him, sorry. In December 2016 the immigration, they know it, I am going to court, the following week. They call me, still you want go back to Iraq or not. But now I don’t want. You never booked me a ticket. Because I don’t see any reason, July to December is 5 months, you never did anything for me. Now I want go out from here myself. But immigration, they play another game with me.

So in January 2017, I went to video link again for a bail hearing. And then I go there, my surety there, everything there, my barrister there, my barrister stand up and was saying if you go back to Iraq, what happen to you in Kirkut. The judge right away shout at the barrister, and ask why are we here. We don’t talk about his asylum case here. I feel they don’t give a fuck, the judge doesn’t care what happens to me when I go back. The judge says sit down we are here for bail, we don’t care. And then, I was not surprised. They reject my case, they reject my bail again. The judge asked why don’t you send him back, the immigration says he signed something in December no to go back. But I say how many months I am waiting, 5 months, they promised me in 3 weeks time to send me back. Even the judge says the process takes a long time. I say excuse me , from July to December, I see no forward for my case so that’s why I decide not to go back. In March 2017 they take me to the Iraqi embassy for the interview. When they take me there, they give me one way travel document. Valid for 2 months.

So in the beginning of May this is my last day, so then I have to fly , otherwise its going be expired. So in the beginning of April I went to bail again. I say, I am here for my ticket. Where is my ticket? The immigration say the remove is set up for the middle of May, which means by then my travel document will have expired nearly 6 days. I asked the judge, can you ask the immigration to explain that for me, is this a joke? I have to fly in the beginning. He said to me early remove set up in the middle of May, I say I don´t understand, the judge say go back to your wing, the staff will explain you. What are you talking about, you racist, you don’t understand. No, the staff only give me food, they lock my door and open my door. But she was not listening, when I was saying she is racist, they turn off my speaker and I am finished. Now I am suffering from heart condition and depression, if I don’t take the medicine , I cant sleep. And in the beginning of may, in 22 days, my travel document will expire, and I cant take that game any more. I am not waiting for another travel document. I don’t know how long its going on take. What then? Is this the end of the world? If I am looking for better life, this is the British law which is on the media? Many time, I say to the judge I have a heart condition, no one is listening to you, nobody. I am sick with this system here.