How can I go back?

So I’m from _______ and I have four children. I’m divorced with my husband. After my divorce I didn’t go to my mother’s place – my family’s place. They are all Hindus and I converted to Christianity and my family was very strict about this. I can’t stay with my husband – after 13 years I could not stay with him as my life was not going well with him. So my mother was very angry with me that I left my husband, but for me it was good because it was like leaving a life with depression and every day and every time it was not good.

So on my own I rented a house. I have two sons and two daughters and I rented a house and I started to work so that I can support my children. But life was very tough for me because I had to pay my rent. I was paying 7000 per month rent and I need to earn 1500-2000 more per month so I can pay my bills, so it was very tough for me.

I need to work day and night so that I can pay my bills and everything. Sometimes we don’t have anything to eat if I’m not working, so I don’t have food. It goes on like this for 2 years and I am just thinking how I will sort out all these problems. If I get a house for me it will be more easy for me.

So by that time I was just thinking how to sort out my problem. There wasn’t anyone supporting me, even my family, no one. So I got facebook friends and I had a facebook friend in England. I explained and talk to him about my situation and everything. So he told me he needs someone to work at his place like nanny and in his house and everything. So I accepted to come here to work for him for 200 pounds a month. So I told him to buy my ticket. He said you buy your ticket and I will give you work for a lifetime. In my country I sold every stuff in my house so I can buy my ticket and I can have pocket money to come here.

So when I got to the airport, when I called him, he wanted to have a sexual relationship with me. At that time I was very confused because I left my children and my country, and I am a Christian and that way was not my way.

So I was just thinking what to do now, I have been so far, I travelled twelve hours from my country to the UK, so I could not come back. I was at the airport, the guy was coming and I was thinking what is he going to do with me. I was not sure if he will take me to his house or somewhere else.

I’ve got a friend in Ireland, so I called this friend and told him about my situation. He told me you come to Belfast, I’m going to meet you there and we will sort out this problem. How we are going to find a solution for you. So I take a ticket from Heathrow to Belfast, and I was travelling to Belfast, and at Belfast airport they catch me there.

They were just asking me a lot of questions but I was still in the UK border. I was at George Best airport and they began to ask me a lot of questions and I didn’t understand. And they thought that I’m travelling to Dublin and they just take me to the detention centre. 2 months I’m here but I was in Ireland detention for 4 days.


But the guy who was in London who bring me here he called me on the phone in the detention. And when I was on the phone to him I said set me free. He said no, you broke my trust you can’t be staying out here, even though he knows I have already sold everything in my country.

He threatened me to get me and my children killed in my country, even if I go back. He said he had men in ________ and they will come for your children. The officer called him to talk about him, and he told the officer, she is my cousin, I invited her for two weeks, I don’t know what she was doing in Ireland. Send her back to _________ so she can never come here. So then I told him, I haven’t told anyone for what purpose you bring me here, but I need to talk now so I can get help. So there was a lawyer that came here and I give all. I told the lawyer everything and they brought me again to London. I was in Colnbrook and then they took me to Yarl’s Wood.

So I claim for asylum here and still I have done my interview, I am just waiting. Now if I return back to my country I have nothing. I can’t return back to my mother because she is a Hindu so they don’t accept my religion. It will be very difficult for me. Yeah, so that is my case.

I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know anyone here who can give me an address. My solicitor told me if you get me an address I can get you released from here but it’s my first travelling. Even in my country I wasn’t detained, but now I’m just homesick because I just left my children. I’m so, so depressed, I can’t even eat. 2 months I haven’t seen the face of my children, I talk with them on the phone but I can’t see them.

Immigration told me that there was no trafficking. But the man he brought me here he promised me work he promised me everything. And now even if I go back to my country my children’s life will be in danger. How can I go back? Even if they don’t do me anything if I lose one of my children I will feel guilty for that.

Our mind does not go well here. Even I just forget the way to the shop, the way to the library. I am going mental. We are so depressed, I can’t sleep at night. Can’t sleep, can’t eat, anything. If we was outside like a hostel or something like this, ok, but here we are in jail. It’s a proper jail here.

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Inside the detention centre you don’t feel you have any rights

Inside the detention centre you don’t feel you have any rights. They keep telling us we need to go back to our country. Everyone needs to be aware of this because they detain people unlawfully – maybe some people are detained for some reason like crime – but I was reporting for 2 years regularly but they still detained me. What’s the point of that? I was applying for a visa, paying the money. I try to see a doctor and they tell me I’m not entitled to see a doctor! There are people struggling health issues. They tell us that we are just pretending to be ill, why would we do that? In this country I believe that everyone is entitled to see a doctor, especially if the state is detaining you.

I was here in this country for 9 years, and then this ruined everything. I can’t socialise and do anything.

I agree with every single condition that they offer for my visa application but then they still detain me.

I have been here for 4 months, some people for 6 months. Of course some people get let out after a few weeks but then they come back again. If you want to bring them again here then why give them bail and then bring them back.

I wish when I get out and I get a good job that I will be able to do something about this because it is wrong.

On Christmas Eve they tried to send me back to Baghdad. When they tried to send me back, they put me on the plane, they twisted my arms, put handcuffs into my wrists, nearly breaking it. They said this is our job.

I have been in the uk since 2002. I came from Iraq, I was injured and I was beaten nearly to death.  In 2001 I went to Germany, but I was refused asylum. I came to the UK because I was worried Germany would send me back to Iraq. In 2006 I met my now ex-girlfriend. We were together until 2013. She had said to apply for a visa with her, so I applied in 2009. I got a visa in 2013. But sadly, we are no longer together. Immigration said to me, because I applied for visa through her but we break up I have to back to Iraq. I am not coming here for visa, I am not coming for this reasons, I came here for my life. I apply for asylum but because I am not wth her they give me refuse. I applied again, I got refused agin.

In 2015, ISIS start killing people for no reason. I had a friend who said ‘why not come to church?’ I changed my religion, I became christian. People are not happy with me because of this, they speak bad about me. After that, the Church baptise me, we did that, then they put my picture on facebook. Then everyone knows I am Christian, everyone knows my situation. Most people don’t want to talk with me anymore, they say to me I shame myself by changing my religion.

2016, immigration come to my house and arrest me, because I have family life visa, which has run out. But its not about that I came here to apply for asylum. They said “we don’t believe you”, they said they don’t believe I change my religion. I said “how do you know what is in my heart?”. They said I don’t have enough evidence. what evidence? My religion is in my heart, how do they know?

Last year, on Christmas Eve they tried to send me back to Baghdad. When they tried to send me back, they put me on the plane with, they twisted my arms, put handcuffs into my wrists, nearly breaking it. They said this is our job. I am human why you do this- they said we have an order.

In Baghdad there is sectarian violence, between tribes and religions. They say it is safe for Christians but its not safe, there used to be 1 1/2 million Christian, now there is less than 500,000- where have they gone? They have been displaced, they have been be-headed. Immigration said there is Christian community in Baghdad but I was born into muslim, not into christian religion- this is different. This is different. In Sharia law you cannot change religion. Now immigration say Baghdad is safe.

I was detained early November. Now I am detained about 70 days. First time I apply for bail, they give me a ticket, therefore I can’t get bail. The judge doesn’t listen to my situation. Again I applied for bail and they give me another ticket. This is not on, what they do to people in here. Some people have been here 5,6,9 months. If my country was safe I would never be here. I love my country but they have been destroying it, the UK and America have been destroying it. We suffer like Syria.

I have never been to prison, I have never committed any crime, I have never committed any offences. I understand if I do something wrong, but I didn’t do anything wrong. I just find out my brother has been kidnapped in Iraq, he is journalist working for TV. I don’t know who has kidnapped him. I just want to get out and find out what has happened to him. It is very hard. I never been to prison but I am here now.

Yesterday I wanted to do suicide but they didn’t let me.

I want to make sure I am not going on that plane. These charter flights are modern slavery.

I was detained 9th august last year and taken to the detention centre in Dorset. I claimed asylum in Dorset on 15th august. Before claiming asylum, they said an immigration officer would come within 48hours. But within 120hours still no officer came. When I was seen by an immigration officer, I complained that I had waited but nothing happened about the complaint.

I wrote 6 temporary admission letters, after claiming asylum, they were all ignored.

Early September I was transferred to Harmondsworth. When I came to Harmondsworth I came to welfare surgery to complain about the 120hour delay before being seen by an immigration officer and hearing nothing back about temporary admission and still nothing was done.

When I got to Harmondsworth I was treated like a prisoner, they locked me in the room after 8pm everyone is locked in. My liberty has not been respected. My human rights have not been respected. I spent 3 days in induction, before an officer transferred me to the ‘vulnerable adult’ section. I the ‘vulnerable adult’ section they don’t lock the door and you have just one room mate.

I ask the guards can you help me to call caseworker or immigration they do not support me, they don’t really care. When you go to complain they just ignore you. The healthcare department is totally s**t. The food is tasteless, rice and chicken, potato every week, the chips are cold, the food is totally outrageous, totally s**t, tastless, doesn’t taste of anything. When I book an appointment to get clothes for the gym, they said they couldn’t help, they said I had to wear my jeans! Do they want me to be naked?!

That was some months ago.

I went to the asylum appointment. They put me on fast track- I’m not meant to be on fast track. It is meant to be finished but they are still doing it in secret! They decided my case in 1 week. On 11th September I went for the induction and on the 12th I went for the screening, 2 weeks after I went for the big interview. They said the decision would be made in one week. How can 1 week be enough time to get evidence? I need to get evidence from Nigeria, speak to my friends, to the doctors. Its not enough time.

I went to the healthcare on mid December. I went for my Rule 35 report. The doctor gave me the Rule 35 report saying I am an ‘adult at risk’ and not meant to be detained. I have scars from torture. The doctor said they are satisfied I am victim of torture. I sent the report to immigration, 3 days later immigration called me, they have assessed the rule 35 report. They agree I am a victim of torture but they still want to detain me. I quoted their policy to them but they said they “don’t know”. Now I have been detained for 4 months.

I went for bail, with my 2 sureties. The judge mentioned about my case- this is not meant to be in the bail hearing, it is meant to be just am I a risk to the public, do I have a certain address and sureties. The judge said “I’m refusing bail because you didn’t claim asylum on time”. The judge is not meant to mention about this. He refused the bail. I applied again for Temporary Admission in mid December, they ignored it.

At the moment, I have got my new evidence from Nigeria and am making a fresh claim. I have a letter from medical justice supporting my fresh claim but I am waiting for the doctor. But I have a ticket for the charter Flight on Tuesday I don’t know if they are going to cancel my ticket? They need to defer the ticket, they need to cancel it, but I don’t know what the home office is doing?? I want to make sure I am not going on that plane. These charter flights are modern slavery.

They are not helping at all. They are not following the rules. They are treating people like they are animals. No human rights. They didn’t respect anything. They are not helping anybody.

Two Wednesdays ago they said, ‘Someone is here to take you’.

Two Wednesdays ago they said, ‘Someone is here to take you’. I asked ‘Who? No one is supposed to be taking me.’ There were two people to take me to a flight. I didn’t know anything about this and I refused to go. The next day my caseworker put through for a temporary release.

One minute they send officers to put me on a plane, the next minute my caseworker is applying for temporary release. None knows whats going on here.

It is really really a lot to bare, being in detention. My partner and my kids are wasting away. My boy, he is two years old, if i don’t speak to him he can’t sleep. He wakes up screaming in the night. I speak to hm all the time, he wakes up in the morning and he wants to speak to me straight away. My daughter is bigger – she has decided she doesn’t want to see me in here again. She said if I don’t get released soon she is going to run away. My boy comes, and he is happy when he is here but when they go he is crying. Both he and my partner broke down last time they were leaving here. They just lock you up in here the pretend like  you don’t exist.

The original application that they detained me for, I sent them last week and they said there wasn’t payment for it. But i know there was money for it if they tried. My solicitor said this is just what they do. They don’t care, the only objective is get you out the country. I’ve seen what they do to people to get them out of here. Three, four officers bust into your room early in the morning and force you out on to a plane.

I haven’t been in my home country for 19 years. I haven’t any family there. My family is here. Why they want to send me back there? I’ve been in this country 19 years, I don’t have a criminal record in this country. I stopped working cos if i worked they said it would be a criminal offence so i’ve been staying indoors and looking after my kids. Everything they say i’ve been doing to play by the rules.

The home office don’t realise what they are doing to people. It is really unfair. Really really unfair.

You are doing nothing. Just sitting and eating.

I’ve been in the UK since 2004 as a Student. And I got married last August and so I had a visa until March 2016. I went to visit family in Pakistan. When I came back from the visit on the 24th of January they detained me from Heathrow. I was taken to Tinsley House and I’ve been here ever since.

I have been diagnosed with Diabetes before March 2015. I use tablets. It’s the detention, I’m so stressed now. I’ve been here 9 months.

So many times I have been refused bail. I have been here 10 years, legally in this country. My case is in the Upper Tribunal I’m waiting for this. They are not responding. 9 months and I am still here.

I don’t have the money the money to take on the case. The legal aid lawyer gives you a consultation but they can’t take it on without money. They only do asylum, not my family case. I have a EU resident card, it was issued in Liverpool and lasts from 2011 until March 2016. There’s 5 months remaining.

You are doing nothing. Just sitting and eating. So many people are coming and going. They just keep you just like criminals. 9 months. It’s just not fair. Today I got a monthly report-  but they just gave me the previous month’s. All the time I’ve been thinking what’s happening next. I’m always thinking where is the justice. I’m here and I’m crying to God to ask him to help me. At 4 o’clcok in the morning I wake up and I speak to him and ask him to help me. I ask where is the justice.  Where are the human rights?

They have given no response – they took my interview – but nothing. I’ve got no justice. I’m late for the justice now. I’m waiting for it. But how long can it take. I’m here in prison – Thinking how long will it take too much thinking. No activities, it’s boring.

They are using us to work for £1

They are using us to work for £1. Most of them here they are coming from prison because they are working illegally. So now the immigration removal prisons are using us to do the laundry, to cook, to wash. The working conditions are really bad. In the kitchen we cook the food, washing the plates for £1 per hour. Too many girls don’t want to do it but we have no choice. Its threatening behaviour. Here when you are not working, when you are not doing nothing its bad if you go to court. You can’t get your bail because your report is not good. So most of the women here they don’t want to do that but that’s the choices they have. Because they are coming from prison from working illegally. So when you go to court you have to show your report. And if you aren’t working you don’t get a good report. They want you to show you are a good character. They are threatened.
This beg bugs business is really important. They need to close down Yarl’s Wood. Some of the women here have HIV and the bug are sucking the blood. So we are stress. Very stressed. Cos we don’t know if the bed bugs are carrying the disease or not. People are frightened.