I have been in the detention centre for more than 25 month now and I have a serious mental health issues . Each time I’m going to see the doctor ask to go to the hospital, but they never, never give me any medication. They say: “No, you have to wait to go to the hospital for a specialist to see you.” When I ask them for some medication they say: “Sorry, we can not give it to you, you have to see the doctor.” I say: ”I come to you, you are the doctor.” But he says: “Sorry, I can not do anything about this.”
But it’s not just about the doctor, also about immigration. I have been in here for more than 25 month now. I have decided to go back home. They say: “we will try to get you the travel documents, the emergency travel documents.” But since 2012 till now they couldn’t get the travel documents.
Inside, I have been applying for bail, going to the court. More than 12 or 13 times I have been to the court. And I have even decided to go back home so they can just do something about it and not keep me any longer.
But even last year in July, my dad got ill in Iraq, in Bagdad. I was so keen to get in touch with my father. I told the home office: “Please, just send me back to Bagdad as soon as possible.” They said: “All right, we are trying to deport you.” But that has never happened. Each time they trying to get information from me about the travel documents they come and say: ”Oh, we got all this information about you and we didn’t know its you.” And I say: “Please just go ahead, just take the photo and give me the papers to
sign. Or just do something about it, don’t keep me any longer. Send me anywhere. I don’t mind. Just don’t keep me any longer! But they say what they say and they do what they do. They don’t care! Most of the staff are horrible disrespectful people. They treat us like the absolute enemy. And when we make any complain it becomes much worse and its like suddenly we lost everything. We’re not allowed to work. What we’re doing, the working inside, we get paid a pound for an hour. A pound in an hour! That’s how it is inside.
I have tried to commit suicide 4 times, and I’ve been kept in Harmondsworh detention centre and now I’m still in here. I don’t know what to do! I don’t know what to do!
I have seen many people commit suicide, they killed themselves. I tried to do so and I wasn’t good enough. I was in the hospital in November last year, 2 day, but do they care? No! They said: “He’s ok, he’s eating and sleeping . he’s fit and well to be detained.” How long do I have to stay? Even the prisoners they know when they are going to be released. When it comes to their release day, they know it. But we don’t know anything about it. We just have to wait and see, how long we are going to stay. Day after day, day after day.
It’s too much! Too much! How many times I have tried to commit suicide! I promise, I cannot stay here any longer. But if its going to stay like this, I cannot hold it any longer. If nothing happens till end of March, I have decided already, I am going to take my own life. I’m not going to stay. I don’t want this kind of live behind the door, like a prison. Even a prison is better than this place. This is like a high security prison. We are in a detention centre. That’s not prison. But here, they don’t care. They don’t care at all!