There is no social distancing here

Can you tell me about your experience of detention?

I have been in Brook House detention centre for 16 months. I came from prison. I thought I was going to be released but then they brought me here to brook house. I was given a mobile phone, there was a tv and so everything felt better at the start. And then after 6 months I started getting bored and I start stressing about my life and day by day.

3 months ago in November, I had been a year. I started tripping. My hand started sweating, I couldn’t sleep and I felt hot. There was something I hadn’t felt before. I couldn’t get the thoughts of getting me out of this place out of my head. It was like this one year of detention was building up in my head, and exploded in my mind. It was the sort of experience I had never had before. It was something in me that felt like that. I tried everything, sleeping on the floor but nothing was working. They gave me paracetamol and some medicine called calms. And since that day, I am not the same person. Now small things really get to me. My short term memory is shot. Some old term memory is cloudy and dazy.

How have things changed since the coronavirus outbreak?

2 weeks ago they put two people in isolation. I heard from a good officer that I have known for long time. He told me that they are in there and they are suffering but they weren’t getting tested. There was another guy, who was serving food to us who got suddenly taken away. It was two days ago when they grabbed him. They were wearing white clothes and a mask on their faces and blue gloves when they moved them out. He could have spread it to everybody and this made everyone scared.

They are not doing any tests here. There are not testing  any one. So they don’t know if there is a virus on not. The officers who are working in isolation are wearing full body suits. Some officers on the wings are wearing face masks and gloves.

If I feel like I have symptoms (and I do all the all time) I am not going to tell them because if you do, they will take you to the block, to solitary confinement. They won’t test you, and they will leave you there. They don’t want these officers to find out that there is a virus outbreak here. A lot of people feel like they are ill in here. People are not feeling well, they are coughing and they are scared.

There is a meeting today with the home office – they have to do something. We are not animals you know. We need to be tested. Either they should let us out or do something to protect us. They can’t remove us to other countries because other countries will not take us. The government is not doing anything and they are still bringing people into detention. Yesterday they brought new people.

Outside, they are saying that people shouldn’t be close to each other. But here we can’t do anything about it. There are loads of people the tv room, in the garden. There is no social distancing here. No one knows who has got the virus. There are people coughing. I wish you had some sort of drone to see how many people are in the yard.

6 days ago they closed down the church, the mosques and other religious rooms where people congregate. There are less officers around the centre at the moment. Having less officers means there are less wings open and there are less officers on the wing. Which means you have to wait in order to leave the wing to go to the computer room for example.

How has it affected you?

The other day there was a protest. People refused to go to their wings in the evening. They were calling to be tested.

But I didn’t want to be involved as I had got bail. I have been given bail in principle but I have no address to go to so I have to stay here. My bail is going to run out tomorrow then I have to apply again.

It feels like I am on remand. I am in this space but without a sentence. Hopefully they do something. They have forgot about us, it’s like we don’t exist.

New day

New day started.                                            

What will you do?                                         That’s ok. Try to do it now, if you can.

Are you going to think about the past?     Or try to do, what needs doing now.

Is it really worth it?                                      Today is a new day.

You can’t change the past,                          Live it!

So why you want to do it?                            Past is gone and it won’t come back.

Take past into consideration,                     You’ll remember it.

But think about now and future.                Believe me, I know.

Past won’t come back in reality,                But that’s the part of who we are,

Only in our minds.                                         That’s the part of our lesson.

The present is,                                               Learn from it,

The future will be…                                       But don’t try to re-live it again.

You say, you made a mistake.                     There is a bright future in front of us.

That’s ok. Everybody does them.                We just need to try not to screw it up again.

Now try not to repeat it.                               Don’t let the past haunt you.

You say, you didn’t do something               Darkness is all around us…

And you should have.                                   We just need to light the candle of hope…

Lost

One step, two steps…

Stop! Go back to where you came from!

Left foot, right foot…

Where do you think you’re going?

Just let me go back home.

It’s already late and I’m lost.

Can you show me the way, please?

I took the wrong turn somewhere on my way,

If not few wrong ones…

I can’t find my way back…

Where am I?

Oh God, please help me!

Show me where to go!

I don’t know what to do.

Others don’t seem to know the way either…

Who can help me, if not You?

Give me the sign, so I know the way,

In which direction should I go?

I’m scared I won’t be able to find my way back.

I’m scared I’ll keep taking the wrong turns

And I get lost even more, than I already am.

You’re my last and only hope,

My candlelight in the darkness…

If the hope is gone, then everything is gone…

I’m lost…

Don’t let me lose my hope as well…

What’s going on?

I feel down, sad and empty.

The news were not good.

I’m thinking what to do next?

How to sort things out?

I don’t know…

Or maybe I do…

I’m just tired of all that struggle.

I know I have to keep fighting for my case.

But it’s one step ahead and two backwards.

How long can I keep going like that?

God knows…

I won’t give up, that’s for sure.

I may be bruised from all trips and falls.

It will hurt a lot, but I won’t give up.

I may cry or curl up in bed,

Writing just what I feel, what I think.

Yes, I may feel weak right now.

But I’m not weak…

I’m strong…

I just need some rest,

Just need to clear my mind a bit…

Then I’ll start again pushing my boundaries even further.

To the point, where I win.

And I know I’ll win…

I feel weak, but I’m strong…

Let it out

You are here, stuck in this place.

Millions of thoughts going through your mind.

Minutes, days or even weeks going by,

But you’re still here.

You want to be out,

Living your life, enjoying time with your family.

What can you do?

How can you do it?

How long will it take?

Yes, I know those thoughts, I know the feelings.

I know the struggle.

The hopelessness, anger and even emptiness.

You’re doing all you can, if not more,

Even though it doesn’t lead you anywhere.

At least not now, not yet.

What else can you do?

I don’t know.

It will come to you in its own time.

And when the time comes, you’ll know it.

Whatever you do, keep going and don’t lose hope.

Don’t give up.

Kick, bite, shout or cry,

Throw stuff at the wall if you feel like it.

Let your anger out.

Don’t keep it to yourself.

Show what you feel.

And then go and fight again.

You know what the first step to win is?

I’ll tell you…

It’s the ability to lose.

Free Yourself

You can change your life like an image in the kaleidoscope.

It’s either going to be good or bad, clear or blurred,

Depending on where you leave it at.

If you want to change your life for better – don’t give up,

Don’t stop changing it, if it’s not where you want it to be.

Keep going, even if you struggle.

Fighting is never easy.

You may lose a lot of battles,

But if you keep fighting, you may win the war.

If you need help – ask for it.

No one said you need to do it alone.

Fighting may last long,

But the good outcome is worth waiting for.

And now smile, have a good night rest.

Tomorrow is a new day

And we need a strength to fight for what we want to achieve.

After each night comes a new day,

After each storm a sun and rainbow comes up.

You know what you want to achieve.

Be stubborn like a donkey and fight.

If you fall down

Or if something or someone knocks you down – stand up and fight.

There’s always more than one way to go, to win…

Les Gilets Noirs: We are in the Airport in France

Les Gilets Noirs

“I’m here to tell you that for them we are commodities! If they give us documents they lose their business. So they must see that someone stood up. We are not balls to be kicked about, we are not children. Our struggle is not only about papers. What you have yet to see you’ll see when you fight. There is sorrow and happiness inside. Things need to become red and people need to rise to bring it out. The shame is theirs, not ours. They must stop seeing black people as blackness, but see that they have become red.”

Gassama foyer Riquet – in Paroles de n’importe qui… ou pas – May 2019 – ed. La chapelle.

At the employment fair, on the 23rd February 2019, residents of some of the 43 migrant centres of the Paris region are plotting together, along with tenants of the struggling streets:

Diakité, member of the Chapelle Debout collective:

“We rose up. We quit our everyday tasks and we stood. We, the GILETS NOIRS are now the largest movement of undocumented people in France.

The French government knows that we exist. It knows we are here and that we are organised. But it still doesn’t know what we are capable of!

We started on 23rd November 2018. It was at the Museum of Immigration. There were between 300 and 400 of us.

We continued to mobilise people until the 16th December, when we occupied the Comédie Française. That day there were 720 of us. And we opened the door of the Prefecture”… to negotiate

On 31st January, 1500 of us accompanied the delegation. The leadership did not keep their word. “We will receive you every month.” … We are still waiting. 

We asked for an end to deportations and Abou, Amadou, Samba, Tymera, Imane, Hicham have been violently deported towards Spain, Italy, Sudan and Morocco under the pretexts of the Dublin Agreements, bilateral agreements or by the pure and simple ferocity of the racist brutality of the police, judiciary, medical services.

We got organised so that many can return, so we can bring back our parents, our children, our wives, our husbands, our friends and everyone else.

In the Paris Prefecture, they dismissed us, saying: “we can’t, not our responsibility, not our remit, you’re missing this paper.”

“We’ll speak to your bosses then!”

We call for all the forces in France, Europe and beyond to support this campaign against fear and shame.

For equality, dignity, justice and their concrete implementation: Documents for all!

We must start winning again, because we have all lost too much: Documents for all!

We must stop bemoaning because we must act.

We must wait no longer.

Because we are here and we are everywhere: Documents for all!

We are against:

The OQTFs (Orders to leave France), the 115, illegal working at Elior, asbestos removal without protection, the CRAs (Immigration detention centres), Calais and Ventimille and Dublin, checks based on profiling at Aubervilliers 4 Chemins, the OFPRA (French Office for the Protection of Refugees and Stateless People), rough sleeping, the CNDA (National Court of Asylum), Porte de la Chapelle, the refusal of AME (State Medical Aid), queuing at the prefecture or for food, the OFII (French Office of Immigration and Integration), slave driving bosses and businesses.

Papers/Documents for all!

“Immigrants have a voice and they are using it!”

“We are the freedom to move, to settle down to act. We will take it as our right. In the name of all those who did not make it here, and to save ourselves, and for all those who want to make it out here.”

PAPERS NOW!

WE ARE IN AN AIRPORT IN FRANCE

This place is, above all else, a border. A border without walls or barbed wire. Nevertheless it marks bodies.

For some Roissy Charles de Gaulle is a place for travel and consumption. Those for whom this comes easy are a minority coming from the bourgeois and/or white worlds. It’s this world that colonizes and wages war. The entrance to their fortress is the airport. It is well guarded by the military, police and cameras… In this place we also meet many of our own. Nevertheless, we don’t want to see ourselves here.

We are hidden or shut behind a curtain in the plane or underground, very close to terminal 2 in the holding area for those who are awaiting deportation…or in the basement of the four-star Ibis hotel with the blessings of the Accor company.

This place exudes racism on a planetary scale.

Those at the front pass through showing only their official documents, those at the back are threatened, handcuffed, gagged and insulted by the police

At the border, in the antechambers of the airport.

It’s from Roissy that Afghans were deported to Kabul at gunpoint, at the same time that we switched off the Eiffel Tower’s lights to commemorate the Western victims of the attacks in Kabul’s diplomatic neighbourhood on 31 May  2017.

We are here because this airport belongs to those who scrub its toilets all day long, who pack and transport suitcases for customers with red passports.

We have come to free ourselves, like others who have escaped from their prisons for foreigners in Rennes, Hendaye or Mesnil-Amelot in recent months.

We are here because the body of a 15 year-old son was found frozen, fallen from the landing gear of a plane on 8th April 2013. That was before their “migration crisis”, which every day justifies their crimes a bit more. There are no names for those they deport, they bear all of our names.

We are here for self-harm and suicide to not be the only ways to stop cops from receiving free holidays with Air France Miles.

Enough with the prison, sleeping pills, foam helmets and handcuffs!

Glory to all that managed to step off a plane, whatever methods they used! From screaming to physical resistance or tricks.

Thank you to all who refuse to sit down. To pilots who refuse to take off. To the transit helpers who give us information: “deportations on this flight”.

25 detention centres in France, over 1000 people deported in 2018 from the Mesnil-Amelot centre alone, nearby here. STOP!

Overcoming fear by coming here, with no pseudonyms or work uniforms, is our first victory.

Overcoming fear of this border is to organise against all of those who help deportation, starting with undermining Air France’s collaboration, which of all the complicit airline companies, is the official partner of the French state. They are in cahoots with Qatar Airways, Ethiopian airlines and Turkish airlines.

To Air France, official deporter of the French state, and to the Paris Airport, its guard dog,

We denounce your collaboration with the state’s practices and the business that it earns you.

We denounce the pressure exerted on your staff and on passengers who oppose the deportation: those who have been disembarked, threatened with lawsuits and forced to buy back tickets.

We denounce your role as accessories to the police and to European justice, and we declare that you bear responsibility for the treatment of non-white lives and their management as flows. You share responsibility for the murder of A. by the Border Police, of M.’s injuries and detention, of M.’s torture, injected to knock him out and stop protesting, of murder attempts on M. who you allowed to be deported when he had swallowed razor blades…

We demand to speak to the heads of Air France to:

-Stop all financial, material, logistical or political participation to deportations

-Stop its policy of retaliation and/or pressure towards in-flight staff who refuses to embark a person threatened with deportation

[Translated with permission from @chapelledebout. The original version can be found here]

The woman in you…is the woman in me

What I see in Yarl’swood
Is greatly misunderstood
You say you care – oh oh oh
You are right you do but you don’t really know
How grave an injustice to perceive
Cos the woman in you…is the woman in me

Diverse faces of Asia, Africa, China and the Caribbean
Unfamiliar – yet so familiar is you precious woman
Soulful tears, crying hearts united with mine
Imploring equity, justice and humanity – an ear to incline
Don’t silence her, emotions are like a flood
Please be fair for in our veins, red is the colour of our blood

Like the Taj Mahal of India and splendid Asia
Reflects the delicate elegance of a sister, wife and mother
She embraces a newfound life without fear
Treat her tenderly whilst she is here
Hold her like the woman you esteem dear
And adorn her with respect and genuine care

In the eyes of the woman of Africa
Lies dignity, beauty and fortitude like the Sahara…
Though she endures mutilation, suffering and disgrace
The drought and scorching heat is minute as God is her solace
Uniquely rare and majestic – an artefact of her own
She cannot be purchased… nor can she be cloned

Admirable silence, exuberant intelligence – the Chinese woman
Mother of geniuses in a far away land
Everything encompassing you is so intriguing
Amazingly – I see you the woman in everything
This seemingly fragile woman of China is my sister, my peer
Celebrate her each day as you do the Chinese New Year

Caribbean woman…prove the world wrong
Sing unto them your melodious beautiful song
Despite what is perceived of you through limited eyes
Don’t be fooled by pretense and lies
Throw back your sagging shoulders, adjust your crown
For when you are seen – egos are flared and injustices are born

United we stand as the colours of the rainbow
Nurturing and watering human plants that grow
Woman you are priceless, special and loved
Keep your peace for your Father is above
Let your voice be heard, lift your head for all to see
Cos the woman in you…is the woman in me

Happy International Women’s Day 2019

Another unpredictable day

It’s another unpredictable day here in Harmondsworth Immigration Removal Centre.

We don’t know who will walk out of the gate going home happily, who will be dragged out of the gate by security guards to be put on the plane. We don’t know who’s gonna kick-off out of frustration and then be dragged down the block to suffer the consequences of his actions.

It’s another day not knowing who will be the next drug victim to be introduced to hard drugs out of depression, who will be walking like zombie. But it is certain that a man or two will definitely be down due to overdose of drug intake. Five days ago, it was as if I was in a movie that I would name “THE LIVING DEAD” or “PERFECT ZOMBIES” with so many detainees on my wing turning to real time zombies creeping on their stomach and some walking side ways taking two steps every five minutes.

Self-harm and suicide attempts are so high that there is one MITIE officer following at least one out of every five adult detainees to ensure he don’t hurt or kill him self after several attempts.

One guy has just finished his prison sentence of sixteen weeks i.e two months in total, but has been kept here in detention for more than twelve months after completing his prison sentence. There are many more like him.

This is the system we live in day by day.

“Mum, when are you coming back?” – I have no answer for them

I am here right now in Yarl’s Wood Detention Centre. I’ve been here for over 2 months. I’ve been here before. I’ve been brought back again, all to do with my Home Office application. I’ve put so many applications in and I’ve been turned down. I’ve been here for over 20 years. I had my children here in the UK – they are all British citizens. My husband is a British citizen. I’ve been trying so many ways to put in my application and they keep turning me down for one reason or the other.
There are constant Charter Flight for West African countries i:e Ghana, Nigeria etc every other months. WHY? and these flights always operate in different airports, for example the last one took place at Robin Hood Airport in Doncaster.
 
I’m still here detained and my children are out there – everyday – everyday – asking me: “Mum, when are you coming back – Mum, when are you coming back?” – I have no answer for them because I personally don’t even know when I am going back to join my children.

Everyone, everyday is crying. My health is deteriorated because I am always in constant panic – what’s going to happen? Are they going to separate me from my children? Are they going to give me a forceful divorce from my husband? All this I keep wondering – it’s actually affecting my mental health right now as I speak to you. There many other nationals here in the detention centre suffering from one type of illness or another. It’s not fair at all.

The funniest thing – I’ve been having palpitations – kind of like heart attacks since I’ve been here. Nightmares … panic all the time. Each time you approach the health care they just tell you paracetamol – they give you paracetamol and tell you: “oh there’s nothing wrong with you”.

Meanwhile deep inside you know what is killing you. You know what is hurting you. But each time you approach them: “Go and take paracetamol” – and that is it. So it really is very appalling here. A lot of people, it’s been effecting them one way or another.

Some ladies even coming in here with pregnancy. One lost her pregnancy some time ago. So, I don’t really understand what this detention centre is all about. I’ll give you example: one of my room mates came here with a spouse visa and her husband is British Citizen. She’s married to him, but for some reason they say they don’t believe that they are husband and wife. So I don’t know how you want to prove yourself that you are husband and wife.
She’s been having some trauma here. Her head – some things are moving – her stomach – she’s got fibroids – she’s been trying to have baby. She’s had two miscarriages, but they will not listen. So, to be honest I have no single clue what this detention is all about. Is it to tear families apart? Or to destroy … I have no clue what is the main intention of this detention is about.

The United Kingdom is supposed to be a home where you run for safety. But I don’t know … it doesn’t seem to be like that. Because, to see how we are going through in this very centre you would be wondering: Is this in the United Kingdom at all?

I see a very heartbroken place to be honest. I am not happy with anything that is happening here. I’m not happy with the way I’m being separated from my children, my husband, friends … I’m not really happy because it doesn’t tell good of this country.

I have gone through hell here to be honest. Sometimes I wonder if I’m in the right place. Like I said, it’s a country where people bring their self for safety – we believed this was a humanitarian country. But I don’t know how this treatment here in Yarl’s Wood – I don’t know what to believe any more.

Christmas is approaching. We believe that Christmas is meant to be a time of family being together. But now we are all far away from our family. This is not good at all.

There’s been some protest this afternoon. We’ve been shouting today – my voice is tired! There are people who [believe] it shouldn’t be this way [who] have actually come and protest on our behalf. For us, all we want is to get this place shut down. Because it’s not really portraying what it says it is. So many times you put in an application, or provide this or provide that – and they still come back with no answer. So what is the use of this place? What is the use of this place? I thought it’s meant to help out.

So really, the manner in which the whole thing is being conducted is very, very, very, very wrong. We are all human, irrespective. My family are really … my children are really confused. I remember the last phone call before they announced that I wasn’t going on that flight, I called my kids and told them: “This is what is happening now – if I don’t call you any more … I’ll try and call you when I get to the other end – but this is what is happening”. And my children were asking me: “Why mummy?”. I said: “I don’t know why – I can’t answer why – I can’t answer – I can’t answer – if I can answer the ‘why’, maybe I wouldn’t be talking to you now in this moment”. I have asked the ‘why’ myself – I can’t answer them. So, I don’t know.

My youngest daughter was all in tears – she couldn’t talk. So you see, this is not only done to individuals but also to the children and whoever is close to you. For me I just feel like it’s tearing families apart. If you take me away from here, that means you’re telling me to go and re-marry or you’re telling my husband to remarry. When we’re far apart – the kids – what happens to them? Still, I can’t understand the whole meaning of that.

We’ve been on hunger strike for some days now. Because of the charter flight as well as not being happy being in here. So it’s not only the charter flight. When you come in here you find out everybody is miserable. Almost every time you find people in tears, you know? What sort of life is that? You don’t even know what’s going to happen the next moment. It’s a very horrible situation to be honest.

Honestly, this detention centre, I don’t know what it was built for but, to be honest, in my own understanding, it’s not really doing anything good to anybody but destroying people and destroying families. They’re breaking families and inflicting pain. We’re all human irrespective – whatever the situation – we are all human being.

This place needs to be shut down – truly. This place needs to be shut down! It’s not serving any purpose for anyone. The Home Office might say it’s serving them a good purpose, but it’s not true – not true. They’re only wounding people.

You need to see how much money people are spending for lawyers, continuously … if you spend that type of money for a lawyer but you get a final result that might be just okay. But if you spend all that money and then at the end of the day you’re still taken away! What must you do? Just making other people rich? Making other people just to have pain?

I have two beautiful daughters. They need my presence around them; to help them become a proper citizen, not for them to just come out in whatever way – no – I need to build them as a mother to give them proper motherly attention and build them to become a proper citizen. Not just to become anybody just for the sake of being human – NO.

They’re taking me away from them – what will happen? These are girls, you know? Before you know it, tomorrow, they’re pregnant, or something will happen. And then that is the end of their work – their career. But if there is a mother beside them to show them and speak to them … “You get pregnant alright but not now” … help them, there are many ways you can help to bring them up. If you take me away from them that’s giving them freedom to do anything that is not right. That’s not good. We end up breeding wrong children in the society.

Sometimes I just sleep and I just wake up like as if I’m having some nightmare all because of thinking about my children my husband. Each time I speak to them – when I call them to say goodnight, I have to say goodnight with tears in my eyes. That’s not life. That’s not life at all.